To Save Your Marriage, Stop Talking!
Have you ever considered that in order to save your marriage you may need to stop talking so much with your spouse? To many people not talking, fighting, and showing all the dramatic emotion goes against the grain of working things out, but for many it can make the difference between a vow renewal ceremony and divorce.
A therapist’s couch is where most couples end up when the marriage turns sour. They start out angry and upset, and often it is an uncomfortable position to be in that causes a lot of anxiety. Yet, after a few sessions some couples start to become closer again and work out their issues. Others will continue to make the sessions unpleasant and will never work anything out.
Are you wondering how you can end up one of the former, rather than the latter?
If you think it’s the skill of the therapist that makes the difference, you are wrong. It’s the listening skills of the couple that make the difference here. Truthfully, it is not the talking that fixes the problems! Couples that use talk therapy successfully are the ones that truly listen to one another and then take action every single day afterward to make things better.
Talk that does not lead to action is not enough. Sessions that include two closed-off, bitter people sitting with arms crossed tight waiting for their chance to rip the other person apart or cry about how they have been hurt and betrayed will lead nowhere good. It can’t do any good because everyone is talking but no one is listening.
If you are going to try to talk things out, pay attention to what happens after each session. There will always be some sort of action at every moment of every day, and it’s the action after a talk session that will ultimately determine your chances of really working things out. If you both storm to opposite corners or have a huge screaming match, chances are low of coming out successful.
The key is to go away from a talk session really having heard what the other person said, valuing their opinions and feelings, and ready to take action to make things better. Most couples do not need to spend long lengths of time in a therapist’s office or screaming at one another at home. They just need one big honest heart-to-heart and a committed attitude to at least try something every single day afterward to make things better.
Instead of storming out of such a session with anger, you should storm out thinking of ways to make things better. Then take action! It’s what you ultimately do, not say, that is going to eventually save your marriage or allow it to self-destruct and erode even further.
I think this article will also be of interest to you: Save Marriage Help or How To Save A Marriage or Save Your Marriage Quick